Today's the last day of farm share pick-up, so I unless I actually do meet the love of my life at the intersection of winter squash and kale, the cautionary tale I'm about to write is almost certainly putting the carriage before the horse.
My director oversees a large program of medical residents, is on various national committees and is the mother of two grade school aged boys and a six month old puppy. She gets her fair share of female-in-power backlash and worries aloud that her work and travel schedule keeps her from spending adequate time with her boys. Before leaving for a weekend business trip to Chicago on Friday, she announced that she had sent her husband a detailed email explaining various soccer schedules and meal plans and reminders that the dog needed walking and homework needed to be done.
Monday afternoon she emerged from her office looking tired and announced she needed to leave a bit early in order to catch her son's second soccer match. She also said that upon returning the family life was in disarray: gym bags dumped on foyer floor and clothes not washed, dishes in the sink, lunch bags not emptied since after school Friday and homework not done, in part because one son stayed at her sister's house all weekend. "You know, there's a certain amount of momentum that needs to be in effect to run a household. It's going to be hard to get things going again." She described this, I know, looking for empathy, or at least sympathy and commiseration.
But what does this have to do with me?
As someone concerned about how I'll raise a future family, I already know that my math skills end with fractions (and even that's shaky). So a future husband would either have to be good enough with math to help with homework, or else we'll just have to get a tutor. But on all other grounds, I pretty much thought I had it covered. I can cook, I can keep a (decent) schedule, and I'm fun.
However, my Monday morning: gym bag dumped on foyer floor and clothes not washed, dishes in the sink, lunch bag not emptied since after work Friday, thumbs sore from video games. Apparently I have the same (lack of) momentum as 8 and 10 year old boys.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
In Need of an "Emma"
Jane Austen and all those Brontes seemed to believe that true love could be found by nary leaving your house...a house that was usually large and in a very rural location where few men would venture. But the men that did venture, they won the girls.
Here's a modern plan for me to meet a man without leaving my home:
1. From my 3rd floor front porch, lure passers-by a la girls in Amsterdam. Never mind that the typical passers-by are women and men with strollers and dogs and, most often, middle-aged lesbian couples.
2. Instead of making faces and grumpily leaping over the crevasses in my street made by construction men at 7 am, step outside and "accidentally" twist my ankle (the old damsel in distress ruse). The cigarette smoking townies will run to my aid.
Even Jane Eyre went to the market in town sometimes.
3. While picking up my farm share at the Coop, bump into a handsome, single, mid-30s aged man. My lettuce spills with his tomatoes and we decide to make a salad! We're married within the year.
Here's a modern plan for me to meet a man without leaving my home:
1. From my 3rd floor front porch, lure passers-by a la girls in Amsterdam. Never mind that the typical passers-by are women and men with strollers and dogs and, most often, middle-aged lesbian couples.
2. Instead of making faces and grumpily leaping over the crevasses in my street made by construction men at 7 am, step outside and "accidentally" twist my ankle (the old damsel in distress ruse). The cigarette smoking townies will run to my aid.
Even Jane Eyre went to the market in town sometimes.
3. While picking up my farm share at the Coop, bump into a handsome, single, mid-30s aged man. My lettuce spills with his tomatoes and we decide to make a salad! We're married within the year.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A Modern Day Science Project
Intro and purpose
In a recent attempt to "go green", I bought a kitchen composting bucket, which promted my mom's comment,"oh, just like your 7th grad science project!" Indeed, my 7th grade science project involved several buckets of kitchen scraps, dirt and (in the non-control group), worms. My hypothesis was probably something like worms would help degrade the matter faster. My results were probably inconclusive since I likely started the project approximately one week before it was due. Twenty years later, I wondered if perhaps we all did science projects that ulitmately shaped who we became in our careers and lives.
Hypothesis
I distinctly remember 7th grade science being when I decided the environment was important and that I wanted to become a marine biologist. Today I am not a marine biologist; I recruit medical students into medicine and then work with the government to get them medical licenses. But I try my best to be an urban hippie-- I recycle, walk and take public transportation, make my own yogurt and bread and in general try to reduce my carbon footprint. I hypothesized that my friends' middle school science projects would likewise have a positive effect on their current lives.
Materials and Methods
Conducting research in 2009 is so much easier than in 1991! I need not leave my chair to simply email my friends. Email I did: "what was your 7th grade science project-- was it something that still influences you today?" The responses were slow in coming in...apparently people did not remember or else chose to forget.
ET#1 is now a scientist and provided this eloquent response:
"I did however have the following projects that i do remember:in the 4th grade I wrote and illustrated a biography of Daniel Boone. in the 5th grade I made a topographical map of California using salt dough. in the 7th grade I wrote a book of short stories in the style of Jack Londonin the 9th grade I wrote a computer program of Logo that was imitated what a hypercube would look like in a 2d image. Also, I remember some elaborate proof which was a final project on how to estimate the surface of a sphere not using calculus, but algebra only. in the 12th grade in applied math we designed how to draw our classroom using fractals and tried to reduce everything into iterative functions."
My sister did her project, "What Will The Dogs Drink?", an experiment that involved chasing the family pets around the yard and then letting them choose what to drink, red or clear water, salty or sweet, when they were sufficiently thirsty. This project got her the prize in the state competition!
Nora and Jane, a water chemist and law student respectively, both had stories of science fair shame: the fear of public speaking and anxiety about coming up with a worthwhile project. Jane in particular had a harrowing memory:
"I don't remember my 7th grade one but in 5th grade I signed up for an optional one, then procrastinated until the day of, went out and got some rocks from my yard, put them on the table and poured water on them to see which one would absorb water fastest. It had no tagboard no nothing. Just rocks sitting on a piece of paper. I was so ashamed that I didn't tell my parents I was participating and begged my friend to let me stand next to her rock -candy demo whenever she went to the bathroom."
I thought my former neighbor who currently lives, studies and works in a lab in Germany might have had an interesting project, but she couldn't remember. She thought maybe it had something to do with dinosaurs.
Data and Results
In true Andrea form, I'm taking a shortcut here and not providing charts or data. Part of being an adult is being able to make such decisions. I can also eat cookies for dinner and no one will care.
The results were a bit surprising initially, but ultimately make sense. There is a nearly common thread of procrastination, even if few of us actually refer back to the actual projects, or as ET#1 put "Sadly, I don't use any of those things, but I remember I liked finishing them. So maybe that is the lesson I took away. I also remember procrastinating starting each one. So maybe that is the real lesson I took away." Liz, however, is not a procrastinator, which likely helped in getting her to the state competition.
Conclusion
I'd like to make a joke here about how composting is akin to the government forms and documents, but instead I'll just say that regardless of our anxiety, forgetfulness or procrastination tendencies, we are all successful women.
In a recent attempt to "go green", I bought a kitchen composting bucket, which promted my mom's comment,"oh, just like your 7th grad science project!" Indeed, my 7th grade science project involved several buckets of kitchen scraps, dirt and (in the non-control group), worms. My hypothesis was probably something like worms would help degrade the matter faster. My results were probably inconclusive since I likely started the project approximately one week before it was due. Twenty years later, I wondered if perhaps we all did science projects that ulitmately shaped who we became in our careers and lives.
Hypothesis
I distinctly remember 7th grade science being when I decided the environment was important and that I wanted to become a marine biologist. Today I am not a marine biologist; I recruit medical students into medicine and then work with the government to get them medical licenses. But I try my best to be an urban hippie-- I recycle, walk and take public transportation, make my own yogurt and bread and in general try to reduce my carbon footprint. I hypothesized that my friends' middle school science projects would likewise have a positive effect on their current lives.
Materials and Methods
Conducting research in 2009 is so much easier than in 1991! I need not leave my chair to simply email my friends. Email I did: "what was your 7th grade science project-- was it something that still influences you today?" The responses were slow in coming in...apparently people did not remember or else chose to forget.
ET#1 is now a scientist and provided this eloquent response:
"I did however have the following projects that i do remember:in the 4th grade I wrote and illustrated a biography of Daniel Boone. in the 5th grade I made a topographical map of California using salt dough. in the 7th grade I wrote a book of short stories in the style of Jack Londonin the 9th grade I wrote a computer program of Logo that was imitated what a hypercube would look like in a 2d image. Also, I remember some elaborate proof which was a final project on how to estimate the surface of a sphere not using calculus, but algebra only. in the 12th grade in applied math we designed how to draw our classroom using fractals and tried to reduce everything into iterative functions."
My sister did her project, "What Will The Dogs Drink?", an experiment that involved chasing the family pets around the yard and then letting them choose what to drink, red or clear water, salty or sweet, when they were sufficiently thirsty. This project got her the prize in the state competition!
Nora and Jane, a water chemist and law student respectively, both had stories of science fair shame: the fear of public speaking and anxiety about coming up with a worthwhile project. Jane in particular had a harrowing memory:
"I don't remember my 7th grade one but in 5th grade I signed up for an optional one, then procrastinated until the day of, went out and got some rocks from my yard, put them on the table and poured water on them to see which one would absorb water fastest. It had no tagboard no nothing. Just rocks sitting on a piece of paper. I was so ashamed that I didn't tell my parents I was participating and begged my friend to let me stand next to her rock -candy demo whenever she went to the bathroom."
I thought my former neighbor who currently lives, studies and works in a lab in Germany might have had an interesting project, but she couldn't remember. She thought maybe it had something to do with dinosaurs.
Data and Results
In true Andrea form, I'm taking a shortcut here and not providing charts or data. Part of being an adult is being able to make such decisions. I can also eat cookies for dinner and no one will care.
The results were a bit surprising initially, but ultimately make sense. There is a nearly common thread of procrastination, even if few of us actually refer back to the actual projects, or as ET#1 put "Sadly, I don't use any of those things, but I remember I liked finishing them. So maybe that is the lesson I took away. I also remember procrastinating starting each one. So maybe that is the real lesson I took away." Liz, however, is not a procrastinator, which likely helped in getting her to the state competition.
Conclusion
I'd like to make a joke here about how composting is akin to the government forms and documents, but instead I'll just say that regardless of our anxiety, forgetfulness or procrastination tendencies, we are all successful women.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Help A Sister Out!
Why I love my sister. I sent her an email because of an overwhelming amount of personal projects. She's so good at lists and prioritizing!
My quandry:
Here's a partial list of projects that I've either thought about, bought supplies for, or started...but haven't finished. I need help!
felt fruits and vegetables
a new quilt/pillows
painting bathroom
sew slipcover for couch
create terrariums
finish composting project*
Liz's response
Do them like this:
1. finish composting prjct -- deadline this Saturday (this won't takeyou v. long and is urgent priority bc of the mold growing in your expensive bucket)
2. Paint the bathroom -- before new roommate moves in -- maybe this long weekend or during that time when your roommate is out and new person hasn't moved in yet
3. Slip covers -- Also before new roommate moves in but after you paint the bathroom.
4. quilt, felt produce -- start in the fall. it is too hot now for these things. Plus will be good for when you are snowed in.
5. terrarium -- also fall. enjoy your porch plants for now.
*There is an upcoming blog post on this fascinating project, but I'm lazy. Obviously!
My quandry:
Here's a partial list of projects that I've either thought about, bought supplies for, or started...but haven't finished. I need help!
felt fruits and vegetables
a new quilt/pillows
painting bathroom
sew slipcover for couch
create terrariums
finish composting project*
Liz's response
Do them like this:
1. finish composting prjct -- deadline this Saturday (this won't takeyou v. long and is urgent priority bc of the mold growing in your expensive bucket)
2. Paint the bathroom -- before new roommate moves in -- maybe this long weekend or during that time when your roommate is out and new person hasn't moved in yet
3. Slip covers -- Also before new roommate moves in but after you paint the bathroom.
4. quilt, felt produce -- start in the fall. it is too hot now for these things. Plus will be good for when you are snowed in.
5. terrarium -- also fall. enjoy your porch plants for now.
*There is an upcoming blog post on this fascinating project, but I'm lazy. Obviously!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Miss USA
I've been hit with a case of nostalgia something bad. Maybe, like allergies, it's something in the air...Nora and I recently dyed Easter eggs, a craft that hearkens many years of spring weekends spent. I also took up a sewing project and tried to remember my Grandma's instructions on hemming, pinning and sewing in a straight line. My daily perusing through the food blogs dredged up classics such as banana pudding, a snack my mom would make and serve after nap time. And I channeled my father when making my NCAA brackets this year, letting my heart dictate wins for KU and OU. But the clincher, the memory that if it was a cold would set me up on the couch with a roll of toilet paper for my nose for at least two days, was this: a commercial for the Miss USA pageant.
My friends parents and my mom always advocates of slumber parties for my friends and me. A group of us regularly met at each others houses and set up our sleeping bags in dens, played cards, Nintendo and ate junk food to our hearts' content. We'd stay up until 4 am or until the very last one of us couldn't hold her eyes open any longer.
The best slumber parties were the ones when Miss USA was on. From 1990-1993 it was hosted in Wichita, so naturally the whole town was excited and we'd host our own viewing parties. Simultaneously, we'd host our own version of the competition-- Miss Fruitcake (we were enlightened 12 year olds and never took the competition seriously. We all expected to go to college and work hard and if in the course of life we were viewed as attractive in swimsuits, well, that was a bonus). We raided our mom's closets for old dresses and put on make up. My house had a staircase leading to the den and I remember LH vamping in a white satin gown with her golden curls.
Sometimes the best cure for disease is administering a small dose of the offending allergen. With that in mind, if you call on me Sunday night, you might just find me wearing a tiara on the couch, watching the pageant Live from Las Vegas. And that roll of toilet paper? Not for my nose...as any good adolescent girl knows, tp is best stuffed in bras to create falsies.
My friends parents and my mom always advocates of slumber parties for my friends and me. A group of us regularly met at each others houses and set up our sleeping bags in dens, played cards, Nintendo and ate junk food to our hearts' content. We'd stay up until 4 am or until the very last one of us couldn't hold her eyes open any longer.
The best slumber parties were the ones when Miss USA was on. From 1990-1993 it was hosted in Wichita, so naturally the whole town was excited and we'd host our own viewing parties. Simultaneously, we'd host our own version of the competition-- Miss Fruitcake (we were enlightened 12 year olds and never took the competition seriously. We all expected to go to college and work hard and if in the course of life we were viewed as attractive in swimsuits, well, that was a bonus). We raided our mom's closets for old dresses and put on make up. My house had a staircase leading to the den and I remember LH vamping in a white satin gown with her golden curls.
Sometimes the best cure for disease is administering a small dose of the offending allergen. With that in mind, if you call on me Sunday night, you might just find me wearing a tiara on the couch, watching the pageant Live from Las Vegas. And that roll of toilet paper? Not for my nose...as any good adolescent girl knows, tp is best stuffed in bras to create falsies.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Passover Advice From Two Non-Jews
Last year ET#, a former roommate and I staged our first Passover Seder. A year later, being not quite experts in the Jewish faith, we still query each other on technicalities. But anyone could learn from us! Who needs Joan Nathan?!
me: last night had matzoh ball soup from the mix for passover but got a headache from the msg
ET#1: i don't make from mix
me: you are a good Jew
ET#1: it is super easy yes i am a good jew
i threw away all my bread
me: but I like the salty goodness from the mix and I did use schmaltz from my chicken earlier in the week
ET#1: wow
me: but since the chicken was roasted in milk it wasn't kosher
ET#1: i think it might be milk and chicken okay
me: really?
ET#1: milk an beef not okay
me: huh well, it's okay by me either way
ET#1: because a chicken sandwich with ceese okay but a cheeseburger bad
me: really? why would you have a chicken sandwich with cheese? unless it was chicken cordon bleu which is illegal
ET#1: chicken parm
me: OH YUM!! and it's kosher you say?
ET#1: am pretty sure me: using matzoh crumbs?
ET#1: will email my friend i think it is korsher just not allowed during passover big difference anyway matzo balls totally easy to make sans schmaltz as long as you have tasty broth and seperate eggs
me: yes, I am sure you are right
ET#1: no jews in baltimore
me: really??
ET#1: or at least near where i live
me: what about those movies about jews in the 50s in baltimore...
ET#1: i think they live up north in reierstown
me: I'm trying to think
ET#1: really? what movies
me: I don't know I have to think/google but I feel like I can see one in my mind
ET#1: now i am hungry for matzo ball soup
me: last night had matzoh ball soup from the mix for passover but got a headache from the msg
ET#1: i don't make from mix
me: you are a good Jew
ET#1: it is super easy yes i am a good jew
i threw away all my bread
me: but I like the salty goodness from the mix and I did use schmaltz from my chicken earlier in the week
ET#1: wow
me: but since the chicken was roasted in milk it wasn't kosher
ET#1: i think it might be milk and chicken okay
me: really?
ET#1: milk an beef not okay
me: huh well, it's okay by me either way
ET#1: because a chicken sandwich with ceese okay but a cheeseburger bad
me: really? why would you have a chicken sandwich with cheese? unless it was chicken cordon bleu which is illegal
ET#1: chicken parm
me: OH YUM!! and it's kosher you say?
ET#1: am pretty sure me: using matzoh crumbs?
ET#1: will email my friend i think it is korsher just not allowed during passover big difference anyway matzo balls totally easy to make sans schmaltz as long as you have tasty broth and seperate eggs
me: yes, I am sure you are right
ET#1: no jews in baltimore
me: really??
ET#1: or at least near where i live
me: what about those movies about jews in the 50s in baltimore...
ET#1: i think they live up north in reierstown
me: I'm trying to think
ET#1: really? what movies
me: I don't know I have to think/google but I feel like I can see one in my mind
ET#1: now i am hungry for matzo ball soup
Monday, March 30, 2009
Lenten Resolutions
I started observing Lent well after I quit attending church. Protestants aren't so big on Lent anyway (there's no rules like fish on Friday) and most Catholics I knew seemed to make it like a diet. But I started observing maybe 6 or 7 years ago, in part because my sister started. I found it kind of refreshing to take away something I enjoyed for a limited amount of time and appreciate my life going on without that item. Many years I gave up shopping for fun. Obviously I'd allow myself necessities like groceries and soap, but would not allow myself to purchase dresses, makeup, skirts or going out shirts from H&M, for example. One year I tried to give up gossiping, but I realized a goal is only as good as it's ease.This year I am trying two things. The first is going to church. So far so good. I only go on Sundays so it's not like I have to think about not eating chocolate every day of the week.
The second is a pantry challenge-- I only eat the food I have in the pantry and in the fridge and freezer before buying new food, and I only allow myself to go to the grocery store once a week. After G left, I never really got used to cooking for one, so would still make enough for at least two, and therefore the freezer was stuffed to the gills with frozen soups and casseroles. Since grocery shopping is also one of my favorite pastimes, I frequently make purchases willy-nilly. Thus my pantry was filled with bulk items such as kasha and millet and wheat berries, boxes of fancy pasta from the North End, dried fruits and puffed rice for homemade powerbars. Oftentimes I'll find a recipe and buy the ingredients and just use some of it. See kasha, above.
So as Lent started, so did the challenge. I've learned that pasta does go a long ways. As does bacon. Together with some sour cream I improvised a pasta carbonara, which lasted the whole first week in various iterations (including adding braised tomatoes and eggplant). I've learned that soups can use up ingredients like scallions and mushrooms. I also made a soup using anchovies, a can of tomatoes and some pasta. "How interesting you had anchovies" said my mom. My point exactly! I've learned that the crock pot is my best friend-- bread pudding uses up leftover bread, eggs, cranberries from the freezer and the end of a carton of milk.
A month down and I can see the bottoms of my shelves of the fridge and have freed up some pantry jars for more pasta and rice. Above all I've learned that I don't need to go to the grocery store every few days. Careful planning has helped me save money and trim my waistline. But maybe above all I've learned to cook for myself. Just one.
See my recipe for pantry cleaning muffins on my friend's blog, Puff and Choux.
The second is a pantry challenge-- I only eat the food I have in the pantry and in the fridge and freezer before buying new food, and I only allow myself to go to the grocery store once a week. After G left, I never really got used to cooking for one, so would still make enough for at least two, and therefore the freezer was stuffed to the gills with frozen soups and casseroles. Since grocery shopping is also one of my favorite pastimes, I frequently make purchases willy-nilly. Thus my pantry was filled with bulk items such as kasha and millet and wheat berries, boxes of fancy pasta from the North End, dried fruits and puffed rice for homemade powerbars. Oftentimes I'll find a recipe and buy the ingredients and just use some of it. See kasha, above.
So as Lent started, so did the challenge. I've learned that pasta does go a long ways. As does bacon. Together with some sour cream I improvised a pasta carbonara, which lasted the whole first week in various iterations (including adding braised tomatoes and eggplant). I've learned that soups can use up ingredients like scallions and mushrooms. I also made a soup using anchovies, a can of tomatoes and some pasta. "How interesting you had anchovies" said my mom. My point exactly! I've learned that the crock pot is my best friend-- bread pudding uses up leftover bread, eggs, cranberries from the freezer and the end of a carton of milk.
A month down and I can see the bottoms of my shelves of the fridge and have freed up some pantry jars for more pasta and rice. Above all I've learned that I don't need to go to the grocery store every few days. Careful planning has helped me save money and trim my waistline. But maybe above all I've learned to cook for myself. Just one.
See my recipe for pantry cleaning muffins on my friend's blog, Puff and Choux.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Home Buying: A Tragedy
A close friend (we'll call her Dora) recently purchased her first condo. A new home requires lots of upfront work, like painting and minor repairs and renovations. But also some future planning. I sent Dora an email offering to go with her to Home Depot to plan her porch container garden and she sent me this response: "Russo's is much cheaper for this stuff than Home Depot! I've heard it through the grapevine by people that compared prices! "
However, just today her Facebook status says, "Dora is getting to know Home Depot so well! Like we're best buds now." I sense future conflict. Let's see how this pans out over the next few months...
The condo walls look fantastic. Dora and Terry (her hubby) spent the better part of three days painting, courtesy of paint purchased at Home Depot. What does Russo's think about this?
Dora: "Fortunately Russo's is mainly a grocery store, so doesn't even know that I get painting supplies from someplace else."
Three months hence, on a balmy spring day-- grilling and drinks on the porch.
Andrea: "What a great grill-- Terry, you can really do a number on these veggies! Speaking of which, so delightful! Where could you ever have purchased a fine grill like this and such handsome, fresh vegetables?"
Terry: "We picked up the grill from Home Depot! Dora's really developed a close relationship with Depot recently. Depot even joined her bookclub!"
Dora (eyes averted, sheepishly): "But the veggies...they came from Russo's."
Andrea (suddenly serious, with judgement in her eyes): "Don't you think it's a little unfair for you to still be seeing both Depot and Russo's? I think you ought to pick one and let the other know."
Two months later, in the heat of summer, I visit Dora and Terry. Dora looks ravaged and thin, with dark circles under her eyes. The condo is quite...hot.
Andrea: "Can't you guys get an AC, or at least some fans in here? It's 95 degrees outside!"
Dora: "No...Depot won't see me. I buy too much produce from Russo's and Depot has shut me out! And Russo's is too 'cheap' to give us a cooling device. We'll have to sit outside, where at least there are plenty of ferns."
Fortunately there's still time to get this resolved, early in this relationship...what will Dora decide?
However, just today her Facebook status says, "Dora is getting to know Home Depot so well! Like we're best buds now." I sense future conflict. Let's see how this pans out over the next few months...
The condo walls look fantastic. Dora and Terry (her hubby) spent the better part of three days painting, courtesy of paint purchased at Home Depot. What does Russo's think about this?
Dora: "Fortunately Russo's is mainly a grocery store, so doesn't even know that I get painting supplies from someplace else."
Three months hence, on a balmy spring day-- grilling and drinks on the porch.
Andrea: "What a great grill-- Terry, you can really do a number on these veggies! Speaking of which, so delightful! Where could you ever have purchased a fine grill like this and such handsome, fresh vegetables?"
Terry: "We picked up the grill from Home Depot! Dora's really developed a close relationship with Depot recently. Depot even joined her bookclub!"
Dora (eyes averted, sheepishly): "But the veggies...they came from Russo's."
Andrea (suddenly serious, with judgement in her eyes): "Don't you think it's a little unfair for you to still be seeing both Depot and Russo's? I think you ought to pick one and let the other know."
Two months later, in the heat of summer, I visit Dora and Terry. Dora looks ravaged and thin, with dark circles under her eyes. The condo is quite...hot.
Andrea: "Can't you guys get an AC, or at least some fans in here? It's 95 degrees outside!"
Dora: "No...Depot won't see me. I buy too much produce from Russo's and Depot has shut me out! And Russo's is too 'cheap' to give us a cooling device. We'll have to sit outside, where at least there are plenty of ferns."
Fortunately there's still time to get this resolved, early in this relationship...what will Dora decide?
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Herding Cats
Soul is about six years old, but still on occassion has the fire of a kitten. He's recently taken to jumping in the kitchen sink and on the kitchen counters-- really the only places in the apartment he's not allowed. Below are some suggestions and tips I've received to dissuade him from this bad behavior.
1. Spray him with a water bottle.
tried? yes.
result? hates it, but not enough to keep him off the counters permanently.
2. Solitary confinement: catch him after he jumps off the counter and toss him into the dark bedroom for the evening while Nova and I enjoy tv and snacks.
tried? yes.
result? keeps him off the counter for the time he's in the room, but the jealously tactic doesn't work and he's back on the counter as soon as he's released.
3. Whisper, "you're a goooood cat, you're so well behaved! be a goooooood cat" to him in his ear while he's sleeping, as sort of subliminal messaging.
tried? yes.
result? positive! he seems to like positive attention at least as much as negative attention and since I've started this tactic, he's maybe jumped on the counter slightly less. But he still jumps on the counter.
4. Scold the counter, not the cat. Idea being that who would want to jump on a counter that always gets in trouble?
tried? nooooo....
5. Spiritual guidance.
tried? not yet. St. Francis prayer cards, candles and icons will soon be ordered from totallycatholic.com.
1. Spray him with a water bottle.
tried? yes.
result? hates it, but not enough to keep him off the counters permanently.
2. Solitary confinement: catch him after he jumps off the counter and toss him into the dark bedroom for the evening while Nova and I enjoy tv and snacks.
tried? yes.
result? keeps him off the counter for the time he's in the room, but the jealously tactic doesn't work and he's back on the counter as soon as he's released.
3. Whisper, "you're a goooood cat, you're so well behaved! be a goooooood cat" to him in his ear while he's sleeping, as sort of subliminal messaging.
tried? yes.
result? positive! he seems to like positive attention at least as much as negative attention and since I've started this tactic, he's maybe jumped on the counter slightly less. But he still jumps on the counter.
4. Scold the counter, not the cat. Idea being that who would want to jump on a counter that always gets in trouble?
tried? nooooo....
5. Spiritual guidance.
tried? not yet. St. Francis prayer cards, candles and icons will soon be ordered from totallycatholic.com.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Advice For Tough Times
Times are tough. No doubt you were surprised a few months back when Economic Officials declared the U.S.A in a recession. Turns out that all the job losses, home foreclosures, expensive groceries and limited goods (Wiis stilll hard to find) were not just coincidental.
We've had eight years of free reign in the school yard, and now President Obama has asked that we make hard choices and sacrifices. Here's some advice on how to live in this New Order.
We've had eight years of free reign in the school yard, and now President Obama has asked that we make hard choices and sacrifices. Here's some advice on how to live in this New Order.
recycling and reusing:
We've all been conditioned to drink our water out of Siggs or Camelbaks, but how far can we take it? While in the Tannery* yesterday an old episode of American Top 40 was on. ET#1 and I were stopped in our tracks as the Long Distance Dedication came on. Instantly time was recycled. Were we in 2009? Or 1989?
ration coupons:
We're in the middle of two wars and thus have to limit our coffee, sugar and gasoline consumption. We've been granted ration cards. Oops, wait. Actually, we've been issued government coupons for the digital tv box converter.
shopping:
Can we go shopping even though we need to use cash not credit? Yes We Can! Go downscale: skirts at Old Navy can be found for $1.99. Or better yet, go upscale. Make a day of shopping at only stores like Barney's and Louis Boston. Make remarks like, "Ah this Ferragamo bag is on sale-- marked down from $1199 to $699-- not bad!" Or, try on BCBG dresses marked down 70%. When the salesclerk asks how you are doing, sigh and say, "I really wanted this in green." Don't buy anything.
(*Unless you need a pair of fur lined boots, to keep you warm when you aren't using your heat. All shoes at the Tannery are buy one pair, the 2nd pair is half off).
With a little determination, elbow grease and ingenuity, we will have Change We Can Believe In!
shopping:
Can we go shopping even though we need to use cash not credit? Yes We Can! Go downscale: skirts at Old Navy can be found for $1.99. Or better yet, go upscale. Make a day of shopping at only stores like Barney's and Louis Boston. Make remarks like, "Ah this Ferragamo bag is on sale-- marked down from $1199 to $699-- not bad!" Or, try on BCBG dresses marked down 70%. When the salesclerk asks how you are doing, sigh and say, "I really wanted this in green." Don't buy anything.
(*Unless you need a pair of fur lined boots, to keep you warm when you aren't using your heat. All shoes at the Tannery are buy one pair, the 2nd pair is half off).
With a little determination, elbow grease and ingenuity, we will have Change We Can Believe In!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Alternate (Superhero) Endings to My Recent Mugging
About a month ago, while walking down my street around 7:15 pm, I was mugged, but not hurt, by a group of teenagers in front of a church. They got away with my going out purse, containing my keys, my T pass, my debit card, my license, my phone, and $15.
The following are imagined scenarios with better endings.
1. As the kids snicker about 20 feet behind me, I turn around. I am a vampire and with lightening speed rush towards them. I need only bare my fearsome teeth and they all turn and run.
2. When approached by two kids right behind me, I stop, jab my elbows backward, expertly knocking them both in the chins, a la Angelina Jolie. I then do a roundhouse kick, knocking them both to the ground and step, with my navy patent 4 inch heels, on hand of the one holding the gun, daring the others to continue their assault. They flee in fear.
3. As the kids snicker and approach behind me, a winged Christian Bale/Batman jumps off the daycare building to my right. He wrestles the gun out of the assailant's hand, knocks the heads of two sidekicks together and swoops me to safety.
4. When the kids surround me, I blink my eyes, stopping time like Hiro Nakumura. In stopped time I manuever the kid with the gun to face instead his friend. I remove the belts of the whole group of kids and pull down their hats over their eyes. I hide behind the Mary statue and start time, watching as chaos ensues.
5. I'm walking fast, but not fast enough. The kids surround me. But just then, lightening strikes and thunder rumbles. God comes out of the church and smotes the kids. He is pissed, but I am saved.
In all scenarios, I straighten my jacket, rub a smudge off my right shoe, and continue on to the party that in real life I missed.
The following are imagined scenarios with better endings.
1. As the kids snicker about 20 feet behind me, I turn around. I am a vampire and with lightening speed rush towards them. I need only bare my fearsome teeth and they all turn and run.
2. When approached by two kids right behind me, I stop, jab my elbows backward, expertly knocking them both in the chins, a la Angelina Jolie. I then do a roundhouse kick, knocking them both to the ground and step, with my navy patent 4 inch heels, on hand of the one holding the gun, daring the others to continue their assault. They flee in fear.
3. As the kids snicker and approach behind me, a winged Christian Bale/Batman jumps off the daycare building to my right. He wrestles the gun out of the assailant's hand, knocks the heads of two sidekicks together and swoops me to safety.
4. When the kids surround me, I blink my eyes, stopping time like Hiro Nakumura. In stopped time I manuever the kid with the gun to face instead his friend. I remove the belts of the whole group of kids and pull down their hats over their eyes. I hide behind the Mary statue and start time, watching as chaos ensues.
5. I'm walking fast, but not fast enough. The kids surround me. But just then, lightening strikes and thunder rumbles. God comes out of the church and smotes the kids. He is pissed, but I am saved.
In all scenarios, I straighten my jacket, rub a smudge off my right shoe, and continue on to the party that in real life I missed.
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