A Horoscope

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Try not to read too much into creepy weather patterns, but discuss the merits of believing in fate with two close friends. Make plans for the weekend of February 19-20. Enjoy the practical and spiritual benefits of winter greens and vegetables. If you wake up feeling nauseous on February 5, you are likely hungover, so follow this regimen: wake up and panic, then relax, realizing it’s a weekend. Panic again when you realize you are supposed to help an old friend paint her bedroom. Drag yourself to shower, then drink a bottle of cranberry juice, diluted with Poland Springs fizzy water. Get dressed. Hangover clothes=painting clothes. Go to local sub shop and buy LARGE Italian sub and DEVOUR. The death of a distant cousin and pickle heiress will leave you with an amount of money you would do well to invest wisely.

2005 Food Recommendations, Installment 1:

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's having passed, along with the turkeys, hams, roast beefs, cookies, truffles, pecan pies, bacon wrapped green bean bundles, stuffing, more cookies, wine, champagne, margaritas and alka-seltzer, it is now the time of year we think about improving our lives, which often involves a diet or two. At best, Zara and I would like to help our readers make informed decisions about the food one puts in one's mouth. For example, Zara and I are self-proclaimed experts on the delights you can find at your local Trader Joe's. We agree that cheese and crackers are acceptable for dinner, and the cheese should be no less fine than Cambonzola. Zara is also quite fond ofthe frozen mushroom risotto, while I tend to the more lowbrow frozen taquitos…or cheese fries and a bottle of wine. Our tastes quite diverge when the issue of cookies comes up. We only agree that Exquisite cookies are always delicious. After that, we take our own paths. But I digress. This is the time of year to know what to avoid eating, so below is an excerpt from an e-mail correspondence between my sister, Elizabeth and me.
12/29/04 "I should go -- oh but, I did want you to know that I have a new persimmon to eat and it is ripening on my desk. It is from Israel -- like Gabriel."

1/4/05 "Bleh. You know that persimmon from Israel that I had ripening on my desk? I don't like it! It tastes and looks like a slimy pumpkin/squash. It is not fruity. Ick. I gave one wedge away, ate one, but still have two more to deal with."

Me: "ha! I don't really know what they are supposed to taste like. I had one with Tishka a few years ago, but it wasn't ripe. It tasted chalky and had a scary texture on my tongue!! You don't have anyone else togive them to?"

1/5/05 "Well, I am glad someone enjoyed that persimmon because I didn't. But I did eat the other wedges...sort of. Oh, but they were slimy. Julia asked for a review bc she has one on her desk too, and when I told she pushed it to the corner of her desk and thanked me for the warning."