Love Police

Love Police here. We represent the municipality of Romance City. According to our records, you haverecently moved into a cozy 2 person heterosexualrelationship with one (name withheld). First, let us WELCOME you to our city. You will find that the air is sweeter and the grass is indeed greener than that found in Spinsterville, your former place of residence. Second, let us offer you some helpful tips for navigating our vast metropolis:

1. Take a dip in the "Pool of Oblivion". The waterfeels great as does being marinated in bath of ignorance. Your lover can do no wrong - your mind simply won't let you believe anything less thanwonderful about your mate.

2. Avoid "Self-Sabotage Street". A bunch of no good elves populate this area and whisper notions of selfdoubt and irrational concerns regarding yourrelationship. They are quite persuasive and canconvince even the most dedicated heart that her partner is cheating or that her butt is too big and that she should chronically share these fears with her partner until he dumps her.

3. Steer clear of "Temptation Island". You may have thought it was just a realty show on the FOX network,but it is real. While we are on the subject, beware of"Adultery Alley". Only married couples are granted access to this zone, but the sooner you respect its power the better.

4. Perhaps consider renting a vacation property in"Hedonistic Heights". The perfect place to get-away for a weekend of kinky sex. Few have the stamina to live here year-round, but time shares are a popular option.

In closing, we wish you and your partner a long and satisfying relationship. Please feel free to check outour chamber of commerce's web site for other hot spots that you may find "stimulating"!