About a month ago, while walking down my street around 7:15 pm, I was mugged, but not hurt, by a group of teenagers in front of a church. They got away with my going out purse, containing my keys, my T pass, my debit card, my license, my phone, and $15.
The following are imagined scenarios with better endings.
1. As the kids snicker about 20 feet behind me, I turn around. I am a vampire and with lightening speed rush towards them. I need only bare my fearsome teeth and they all turn and run.
2. When approached by two kids right behind me, I stop, jab my elbows backward, expertly knocking them both in the chins, a la Angelina Jolie. I then do a roundhouse kick, knocking them both to the ground and step, with my navy patent 4 inch heels, on hand of the one holding the gun, daring the others to continue their assault. They flee in fear.
3. As the kids snicker and approach behind me, a winged Christian Bale/Batman jumps off the daycare building to my right. He wrestles the gun out of the assailant's hand, knocks the heads of two sidekicks together and swoops me to safety.
4. When the kids surround me, I blink my eyes, stopping time like Hiro Nakumura. In stopped time I manuever the kid with the gun to face instead his friend. I remove the belts of the whole group of kids and pull down their hats over their eyes. I hide behind the Mary statue and start time, watching as chaos ensues.
5. I'm walking fast, but not fast enough. The kids surround me. But just then, lightening strikes and thunder rumbles. God comes out of the church and smotes the kids. He is pissed, but I am saved.
In all scenarios, I straighten my jacket, rub a smudge off my right shoe, and continue on to the party that in real life I missed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Phooey, that is a truly tragic tale, but me likee the alternate endings! #1 is quite Twilight-esque, although in Twilight, Edward screeches in with his silver Volvo, and then growls sexily yet menacingly with his ultrawhite teeth. Swoon! My fave is #5. God can be an effective force, I hear. Damn teenagers.
My favorite is Angelina Jolie twin, but also a good God smoting is quite fun!
Post a Comment